Do You Crave More Intimacy?
Cultivating intimacy when there is a lack of intimacy in a relationship takes work. Intimacy develops out of a relationship based upon integrity, trust, commitment, passion and respect. Many people confuse sex with intimacy. Sex should be viewed as a manifestation of the quality of one’s level of intimate behaviour. Sexual expression will rarely sustain a healthy relationship that is devoid of intimacy. Intimacy, however, can sustain a relationship that lacks significant sexual involvement.
8 Scientifically Proven Tactics To Dramatically Succeed In Your Relationship
- Be open and honest about you’re feelings
- Listen without judgement
- Remind yourself regularly of why you love your partner
- Complement your partner regularly
- Display physical intimacy outside of the bedroom (for example by holding hands)
- Show appreciation towards your partner
- Make time for sexual intimacy and value it as a bonding aspect of your relationship
- Create an environment of trust
A very easy way to incorporate intimate time in your relationship is when the children are asleep at night. Plan a special evening at home together where you are not allowed to talk about stressful events, then make time for being intimate, but are not allowed to have sex. This may sound strange in the context of trying to increase intimacy, however you are allowed to engage in foreplay, but no intercourse. Sexual arousal originates in the mind, so we often find it tantalising to be told we can’t do something. You are likely to find that the sexual chemistry is so strong that you end up breaking this rule. The point is to make it a taboo subject, so you become more enticed to engage in it.
There isn’t one rule of thumb with respect to the perfect time to be intimate and the amount of time spent during intimacy. There is also no definitive rule about how many times per week you and your partner should engage in sexual intimacy. The most important thing is to communicate both of your desires in an environment of trust, non-judgement and honesty. Simply ensure you both agree (and are comfortable) with your level of commitment to intimacy in your relationship.
Be mindful that in a long term relationships each individual’s libido and general energy levels can change (particularly as a result of increased life stress). Thus, there needs to be a forum for expressing how you both feel and being open to discussing challenges along the way. It is also vital to create a level of trust within your relationship so that you both feel comfortable discussing intimacy issues. It is particularly important to regularly discuss how you feel about changes to your level of intimacy throughout your lifetime together and plan how you will regain the intimacy in the future.
Lizzie O'Halloran, BBSc, MASR, NLP Prac
Personal Development Coach & Author
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